I have to face the fact that I cannot "let nature take its course"

[EFerrari]

3. It's funny how some sensitivities get better when you get older

and how some don't or get worse.

I can't think of anything I'm truly afraid of any more but I don't even like to kill bugs. Yes, I really do scoop them up and put them out in the garden, which turns out to be a hobby in the Spring when there's so many of them that make their way in here. When my cat brings me mice a couple of times a week, I don't let her in until she loses them because I'm afraid they will hide in here somewhere and not be able to get out again. I don't keep chickens or goats right now because I can't slaughter them. It's just not going to happen. Maybe we could get someone else to do that because at least I know how not to bond to an animal that won't be around, that I can do.

I don't have a gun here although I probably should. But I could never shoot coyotes like the neighbors do even after seeing the damage they can cause to stock. Instead, there's a trash can lid in my truck bed and when I hear them too close, I go out and make a lot of noise until they leave even if it's 3 in the morning.

I don't know what shook me up so much today about seeing this cat. At least she won't be out there hurting in the dark and waiting for a predator. But apparently I really do suck at this cycle of life thing and should probably to stick to things that have roots and not legs.