People Over 80 Are Still Taking Care of Their Parents and Partners

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The U.S. population is aging, and so are caregivers.

Bob Tiller, an 80-year-old retired lobbyist for nonprofits, manages care for his 101-year-old mother. Both live in continuing care communities, he in Silver Spring, Md., and she in western Pennsylvania. If there is an emergency, Mr. Tiller gets the phone call and makes the five-hour drive. “I’m the one who is officially responsible, the one who has to make sure her income taxes are filed, and needs to be available in the middle of the night if there’s a health crisis,” says Mr. Tiller.

The increasing number of caregivers 65 and older is adding a layer of fragility to the nation’s already strained family caregiving system, long the backbone of long-term care. Having a loved one around in old age is a blessing for many, and caring for a loved one provides a sense of purpose. But the duties are upending what many had expected from their retirement years. An estimated 19% of the nation’s 53 million unpaid family caregivers are 65 and older, up from 13% in 2004. Caregivers in advanced age—75 and older—now represent 7% of caregivers, according to the 2020 Caregiving in the U.S. report by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP.

Older caregivers are likely to be dealing with their own health needs. They might not be in the “sandwich” stage of life, juggling a job and teenagers, but may have arthritis and a bad hip, live on fixed income and live 500 miles away from the person whose care they are responsible for. Older caregivers can benefit from the feeling of well-being in caring for others, but the physical demands of tasks, such as helping an even older loved one get out of chairs or into beds, also take a toll. Constant worry and lack of sleep can add up, too.

Maryjo Cleveland says when she started geriatrics in the early 1990s, her 75-year-old patients were being cared for by their 50-year-old daughters. “Now the 70-year-old daughter is caring for the 95-year-old mother,” says Dr. Cleveland, who also teaches at the Wake Forest School of Medicine in Winston-Salem, N.C.

Advanced-age caregivers also include relatively healthy centenarians looking after their spouses. Up until a few years ago, Elijah Gardner, 100, bathed his wife, Minnie Gardner, 94, who is in later stages of Alzheimer’s. “I gave her a complete shower until I couldn’t do it anymore because I was getting a little dizzy,” says Mr. Gardner... In August, the Gardners moved to the assisted-living community the Arbors Valencia, which is part of St. Barnabas Health System. The elder Mr. Gardner wishes he could have stayed in the family home, but accepts it was time to leave for his wife’s sake. “If anything happens to me, what would happen to her?” he asks.

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https://www.wsj.com/articles/people-over-80-are-still-taking-care-of-their-parents-and-partners-11644415549 (subscription)