If This Is Proof That Jesus Is Praying For Us ...

[ymetca]

2. One of my favorite stories of Jesus

is from one of the Nag Hammadi Library Gospels (I forget which one), where boy Jesus keeps killing frogs and bringing them back to life. The other kids start making fun of him, and Jesus playfully pushes one of his pals from the roof of a building, thus killing him. Everyone is mortified, and a crowd grows around the dead child, but Jesus just nonchalantly brings his friend back to life, like no harm no foul.

Gee, I wonder why THAT story never made it into the holy canon of the Four Gospels?

Hence the cryptic ditty:

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
Stole a cow and away they run

But, when you think about it, it now makes sense why we know nothing about Jesus from childhood to adulthood, and perhaps explains all the rumors about him "traveling to the East" during those early years. No wonder he had to high-tail it out of there for awhile, just to let things cool. (The first Council of Nicaea just couldn't get the story straight, apparently, so they left this part out.)

Those same "gnostic", (i.e. "heretical)" gospels also spin the fine tale that Jesus put Judas (his (half?)-brother, btw) up to betraying him for those 30 pieces of silver. The Hanged Man was in on the messianic scheme! Wow. Dan Brown ain't got nothing on that yarn.

Worthy of a R. Crumb Comic book, such tales...

As Timothy Leary once opined, "Who owns the Jesus property?"

And don't even get me started on the hoary nonsense surrounding The Prophet (but at least there is evidence that he actually existed, so... there's that, I guess?).

Circumambulate the meteor, my friends, and take a deep breath, for it's all so much wilder and weirder than any Marvel adventure.