Working my way through the loss of my Dad

[csziggy]

Dad passed away just before the end of August. He'd been very ill in March and had made his peace, happy that he had turned 90, but he recovered and way doing pretty good until a catastrophic event that ended his awareness a week before he passed.

At the same time I pretty much lost my little sister and her oldest daughter. They acted as though they were the only ones losing our father and were very inconsiderate and at some points extremely cruel to my mother. I may never speak to either of them again, I am that angry with their actions.

We're losing Mom, too. At 92 the loss of her husband of 67+ years is accelerating her previously mild dementia. She's still hanging in there, but I can see the deterioration in just the last few months.

47of74's thread about the memory bear that his/her aunt gave his/her grandma (http://www.democraticunderground.com/1234790) made me think about what I have begun working on. My Mom has a memory bear that was made from clothing of our brother in law after he passed and she treasures that bear.

My older sister gave me eight plaid shirts that were my Dad's and I was supposed to find someone to make memory bears from them. Instead I am making them myself. So far I've done the sewing on two of them, but still need to stuff them, stitch the seams shut, and sew the faces on. I'm carefully cutting the collars from the shirts and will button them on each bear.

I started wondering why I have taken this on - I don't really want a memory bear. I don't give a shit if my little sister or her crazy daughter want them. I'm stitching them for my Mom and will let her select who gets which bear. If I do keep one, it may be made from the leftover scraps. mom wants the bears to each be made completely from a single shirt so she won't even notice if I keep one made from the extra bits. With Mom, my sisters, and the grandchildren, there are nine people who might want memory bears - we don't have enough shirts. Maybe I can get two bears from the scraps and someone else will want a mixed up bear.

Tonight I decided that this is one way I am working out the loss of my Dad. I think the hardest day is yet to come. February 2 would have been Mom & Dad's 68th wedding anniversary. At least Mom will have a memory bear from Dad's shirt to hold that day.