if i could be where you are

[orleans]

i ran into this song by accident
(there are no accidents)
never heard it before but
thought it was very appropriate for this part of my life that i share here. it's by enya

this was the first new year's eve i've spent alone. the past two or three i at least had my baby furkid. but this time there was no one all evening--my daughter got home around 1 or 1:30. but i had lots of time to myself (not necessarily a good thing on such a holiday--it was also the anniversary of my father's passing a long time ago)

so i popped a cork on the martini & rossi asti bottle and drank it across the course of the evening, made a pizza, watched a couple movies, and tried so hard not to think too much. fell into one crying jag for awhile and then it passed.

this was also the first time i didn't have the new year's eve shows on or watch a countdown when i was at home. my "clue" that the year had changed was the flash of light through a window before the explosion of holiday fireworks from the neighborhood.

and here i am, a holiday survivor -- as are we all.
and while i'm glad the year is over i dread the new year.
"it was better before" has become my new motto
my glass is no longer half full or half empty. it is empty. and when i refill it (which i will literally do when i'm done with this post) it will continue to be figuratively empty.

and how did the changing of the year go for everyone else?