hey, i read your note and must say that your note doesn't reflect a person falling apart. i say that not to doubt you but to point out that talking and writing about it is helpful. it forces you to use reason and leads you to articulate things that many others keep repressed or unexamined. you have a great mind, and no doubt a strong constitution. it takes strength to notice, then describe details in a coherent way when going through a trauma. the "unhinging" thing will express itself later as most trauma does (delayed reactions, post-traumatic stress). today's crisis seems to be in front of you, and understood, even if resented and dispiriting. it will be next month's and maybe even next year's crises that may befuddle you, as your mind recovers from this incredible stress. so on an emotional level, i would say you are coping just as first responders cope to the burning building. the challenge will be the life you create for yourself to avoid re-living the hurt and stress a year from now. But that is not my real reason for writing. i am a lawyer who went through a traumatic divorce. i noticed that your husband apparently stopped paying support after he returned to his new family. I wanted to be sure that you know that your children take priority in the eyes of the law when it comes to support. He must care for his children with you first then his new ones. That is just the way the law handles such multi-family situations. I don't know what state you are in but that is generally the law across the states. so do not be intimated or hesitate to press for child support even if his income will not support your kids and his new kids. frankly, his new kids are his problems and will not be allowed or tolerated as an excuse. i have even read cases, where the court protected the first children even when the child in the second family had disabilities. so never ever rest on your rights vis a vis the children. in fact, those rights belong to them, and even tho you are the custodial parent, you cannot waive or disregard their individual rights to support. if you wanted, you could get the court to appoint a guardian to represent the children's interest if you cannot afford to pay for the attorney. the court will appoint an attorney at no cost to you in order to protect the independent rights of your children vis a vis their father. good luck, gal. if it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger in the end. nicholas
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