I will never be an elder-caregiver again.

[planetc]

65. You make me realize how lucky I was.

My mother and I shared a home for some years before she had to go to a nursing home. But my mom was herself until the end. The nurses said she had some dementia, and her memory was a piece of lace, but she was herself with flickering memories. To do what you did for someone who struggled and screamed was an extended period of service above and beyond the call of duty. Of course, we do not give medals for this sort of thing, but if we did, I would be nominating you for a Medal of Honor. There may be some grief support groups in your neighborhood. The local hospice had them lined up. And they might be a help. But for the moment, try to take as good care of yourself as you did of them. You can be sure you deserve your care as much as they did.