I will never be an elder-caregiver again.

[Ilsa]

113. I took care of my MIL precisely for that reason.

I didn't want my husband feeling guilty about "dumping" her in a home in Texas, one of the worst places to be on Medicaid in a nursing home.

I never fully connected with my MIL. She had undiagnosed mental health problems. She had anxiety about stuff that her mother passed down to her. For example, she was afraid of taking a bath because she might drown in the tub. She wouldn't even wade into the water at a beach because of that and sharks. She was jealous of everyone, enjoyed starting fights when she wanted attention, and generally was immature.

The dementia made all of her anxieties worse. She would say the meanest, hurtful things to me out of the blue about stuff she knew nothing about. But I had to let it go because I loved my husband more than I was bothered by her. The worst pain comes from the fact that we were both looking forward to some freedom, and he missed out on all of it.