It is the same thing as Alzheimers disease but a different part of the brain, the small blood vessels, are attacked. It was discovered during a routine MRI I have checking if the brain tumor was killed by the gamma knife procedure I had. That did not work and the tumor continues to grow which adds a factor of suckiness to this whole thing. The amaloidosis is kind of a tradition in my family on my mother's side. Two of her brothers died of it while her sister and niece both died of Alzheimer disease. The doctors said each of my siblings has a 50% chance of inheriting the disease. I won I guess.
I realize packing up and leaving is a pretty shitty way to go about things. I also know a hospice sucks hugely. I will not get that far into the disease. I would really like it if someone (pref doctor) could make sure I am cognizant enough to understand when it is tie to go and let me go on my own terms. Yes, I do prefer suicide to laying in a bed with diapers on, a feeding tube shoved down my throat, and someone checking every 30 minutes to see if I freed up the bed.
So, I understand everything that is going on and no doubt will for quite a while as the disease can have a slow progression. I also know how I want to die and when in the disease progression. I just don't know how to tell my wife. I really want her to go about her everyday things and not worry about me. I never want (nor will I) to become a burden to her.
I am not looking for sympathy or anything. I should have died 50 years ago so whatever time I have had since then is bonus baby. I've also had a great life and been very fortunate no doubt about it. I am happy for what I have done, happy for where I am now, and I look forward to the future. I am fine except how do I tell the wife and family and have them feel the same way I do? I'm good.
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